Depression, tried everything, someone help me please...?

alright, i guess this is my last attempt to try and get better...heres the story. i am 14, when i was little my parents would drink and fight all the time, when i was 9 my sister got sick and was left alone with me for a week, where she died,i went to foster care for a few months and got sent home and in october of 2010 at 14, my mom overdosed. so here i am, i have had depression for a very long time, since i was at least 8, and this is where im at. i have tried church and god, but nothing ever got better, i really tried hard. it was good but when i walke out the doors of the church i was back to the same place, i have lots of friends, but they have not helped. i have been in counseling and tried several depression medications, nothing works. i have had cutting problems since i was 9, i have suicidal thoughts all day every day. i have even had counseling for ptsd. nothing ever changes. should i go to the hospital? would it help? i cry all the time, im trying to heal and i want my life to be better, but it never changes. i wait and wait and wait. im done waiting. i dont want to be here. now on top of all this, i am 5'4 and weigh like 145-150 pounds, i think im fat. i think im ugly, i hate myself. i m a boring person with no talents or skills, i hate myself and my life. my personality sucks. everytthing sucks. someone please tell me what to do, and dont say "hang n there it will get better" ...because ive heard that a lot, guess what? it never gets better. no matter what i try, no one helps me, i have had mental health evaluations and have been labeled a moderate risk for suicide, but in my heart i know how much i want to die. someone, anyone, PLEASE tell me what to do. i cant take this anymore.